Not so Merry and Bright? Managing Grief during the Holidays
Not so Merry and Bright? Managing Grief during the Holidays
- posted: Nov. 05, 2025
Grief doesn’t take vacations, nor break for festive holidays. The holiday season can bring about renewed feelings of loss for a past grief and magnify recent (<12 months) losses. The holiday season is laden with expectations of excitement, joy, gathering and celebration. Yet these expectations often pose an added burden to those who are grieving. Likewise, many of us has reflect on grieving family, friends, or community members over the holiday and look for meaningful ways to engage with these people. In experiencing grief, or supporting someone who is grieving over the holiday season, here are some things to keep in mind:
If you are grieving during the holidays
Acknowledge that a change has taken place. The first 12 months after a loved one has passed can be understood as ‘learning how to live life without this person.’ The first holiday season will be a new experience simply because it will not be shared with someone who was previously part of the celebrations.
Grieving is Exhausting. Holidays are exhausting. For someone who is grieving, it is extra important to plan for rest, silence, and peace amid festive activities.
Embrace every Emotion with Authenticity. Holidays and festivities can carry much expectation to express excitement, happiness and joy. It is important to recognize that sometimes these emotions are inaccessible when you are grieving but whatever you are feeling is valid and important. Remember, our grieving validates how special the relationship was with the one who is lost.
Educate your support network. It's important to be clear in the support you would like to receive during the holidays. Clarify with those around you how you would like to celebrate, and how you would like to be supported in your grief. There is no right or wrong way to make these decisions. It can also be helpful to seek a community of others who are grieving at this time. This might be someone who shares the grief you are experiencing, or a community support group.
Create Traditions, Symbols, and Rituals in Memoriam. We can think of grief as a process of renegotiating your relationship with someone who has passed. Holding space to acknowledge the influence someone has had in your life at the holidays may be as simple as pausing to remember them when you sit down for a meal, cooking a dish they enjoyed, or having their photo close-by during gatherings. It is never too late to introduce a new tradition.
If you know someone who is grieving during the holidays
Consider your own goals carefully. It is common to yearn to “spread joy” to those who are grieving or experiencing other emotional challenges over the holiday season. While well-intended, these efforts may further alienate someone who is experiencing an acute grieving period. We can inadvertently put pressure on someone to express joy and gratitude; another unintended consequence of this is sending a message that someone’s authentic feelings and emotions are not valid and/or appropriate. Alternatively, consider being present to a grieving person in a way that allows free expression of any emotion they are experiencing. This might mean watching a movie with a co-worker instead of attending a holiday party, going for a walk in the woods, or dropping a meal off for a friend.
Do not dictate how to grieve properly. One of the myths of grief is the belief that “we need to get over it.” It is important for emotions related to grieving including anger, sadness, despair, be named and expressed. There is no such thing as a “bad” emotion as long as the expression of emotion is not compromising the safety of a grieving person or those around them. (See below for when to seek additional support for unhealthy coping mechanisms.)
Allow space for memories. even difficult ones. Holidays are laden with rituals and tradition, inviting opportunities to remember important loved ones who have passed. This can be an emotional process though many find comfort in honoring those who are no longer with them in this way.
Allow for quiet. One of the greatest gifts a grieving person can receive is permission to experience grief, remember a loved one, and meditate without urgency to engage in conversation or maintain social niceties.
When to seek help:
While there is no right or wrong way to grieve it is important to identify coping mechanisms that can become unhealthy. Whether through a support network of friends and family or professional providers, there is no wrong time to seek support for grief.
Please seek support from a health care provider if you are experiencing any of the following:
Suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself or others.
Increased use of alcohol or other substances
Persistent inability to meet your own basic needs or care for dependents.
For additional mental health support consider these resources:
For emergencies, call 911 or head to your nearest ER.
24-Hour Crisis Line at 866-427-4747
24/7 Crisis support to LGBTQ+ youth: Trevor Project at 866.488.7386 (or text 678-678)
Not so Merry and Bright? Managing Grief during the Holidays
- posted: Nov. 05, 2025
Grief doesn’t take vacations, nor break for festive holidays. The holiday season can bring about renewed feelings of loss for a past grief and magnify recent (<12 months) losses. The holiday season is laden with expectations of excitement, joy, gathering and celebration. Yet these expectations often pose an added burden to those who are grieving. Likewise, many of us has reflect on grieving family, friends, or community members over the holiday and look for meaningful ways to engage with these people. In experiencing grief, or supporting someone who is grieving over the holiday season, here are some things to keep in mind:
If you are grieving during the holidays
Acknowledge that a change has taken place. The first 12 months after a loved one has passed can be understood as ‘learning how to live life without this person.’ The first holiday season will be a new experience simply because it will not be shared with someone who was previously part of the celebrations.
Grieving is Exhausting. Holidays are exhausting. For someone who is grieving, it is extra important to plan for rest, silence, and peace amid festive activities.
Embrace every Emotion with Authenticity. Holidays and festivities can carry much expectation to express excitement, happiness and joy. It is important to recognize that sometimes these emotions are inaccessible when you are grieving but whatever you are feeling is valid and important. Remember, our grieving validates how special the relationship was with the one who is lost.
Educate your support network. It's important to be clear in the support you would like to receive during the holidays. Clarify with those around you how you would like to celebrate, and how you would like to be supported in your grief. There is no right or wrong way to make these decisions. It can also be helpful to seek a community of others who are grieving at this time. This might be someone who shares the grief you are experiencing, or a community support group.
Create Traditions, Symbols, and Rituals in Memoriam. We can think of grief as a process of renegotiating your relationship with someone who has passed. Holding space to acknowledge the influence someone has had in your life at the holidays may be as simple as pausing to remember them when you sit down for a meal, cooking a dish they enjoyed, or having their photo close-by during gatherings. It is never too late to introduce a new tradition.
If you know someone who is grieving during the holidays
Consider your own goals carefully. It is common to yearn to “spread joy” to those who are grieving or experiencing other emotional challenges over the holiday season. While well-intended, these efforts may further alienate someone who is experiencing an acute grieving period. We can inadvertently put pressure on someone to express joy and gratitude; another unintended consequence of this is sending a message that someone’s authentic feelings and emotions are not valid and/or appropriate. Alternatively, consider being present to a grieving person in a way that allows free expression of any emotion they are experiencing. This might mean watching a movie with a co-worker instead of attending a holiday party, going for a walk in the woods, or dropping a meal off for a friend.
Do not dictate how to grieve properly. One of the myths of grief is the belief that “we need to get over it.” It is important for emotions related to grieving including anger, sadness, despair, be named and expressed. There is no such thing as a “bad” emotion as long as the expression of emotion is not compromising the safety of a grieving person or those around them. (See below for when to seek additional support for unhealthy coping mechanisms.)
Allow space for memories. even difficult ones. Holidays are laden with rituals and tradition, inviting opportunities to remember important loved ones who have passed. This can be an emotional process though many find comfort in honoring those who are no longer with them in this way.
Allow for quiet. One of the greatest gifts a grieving person can receive is permission to experience grief, remember a loved one, and meditate without urgency to engage in conversation or maintain social niceties.
When to seek help:
While there is no right or wrong way to grieve it is important to identify coping mechanisms that can become unhealthy. Whether through a support network of friends and family or professional providers, there is no wrong time to seek support for grief.
Please seek support from a health care provider if you are experiencing any of the following:
Suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself or others.
Increased use of alcohol or other substances
Persistent inability to meet your own basic needs or care for dependents.
For additional mental health support consider these resources:
For emergencies, call 911 or head to your nearest ER.
24-Hour Crisis Line at 866-427-4747
24/7 Crisis support to LGBTQ+ youth: Trevor Project at 866.488.7386 (or text 678-678)